Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Starting Again

Wednesday April 15, 2015
It has been a very long time since I have updated my blog. Due to the continued promptings of my very sweet son in law I will try my best to keep things current and post some things on this blog. 
Life is in a constant state of flux, and I have never been very adept at navigating those changes. I would beg, plead and fight against the universe hoping that I could somehow keep things at a status quo. What a very crazy and stupid thing to do. Why was I so worried about change? I don’t really know if I have the answer as to why I hate change. I think it is a pretty widespread truth that as humans we fight change. My theory is it’s because we are a fear based culture. We tell ourselves, our children, or anyone. “Don’t be too different”… “Keep up with the Jones”… “Work hard to get ahead of everyone” All those absolutely negative things, not to mention the ones that are told to women about how their bodies, hair, face should look. It is out of control! It makes our lives and our focus on things that will never bring us the happiness. 
So what does this have to do with change? Everything changes in life. Children grow-up and move on to their own lives and families. Parents grow old and eventually pass away. Jobs come and go, bosses come and go. Physical health can go. Soon we look in the mirror and see our mothers/fathers. You might come to a place in your life, when the people you thought would always be in your life changes. You need to walk away, you need to create something new/different
It is all temporary. The minute you realize how transitional life is, the better you can cope with the flow of your life. 
How do we do this? 
I am no expert, and even when I think I have it down you realize that feeling is also fleeting. It is a process…. I used to hate this phrase. It would make me physical angry. I didn’t want a process, I wanted a magic pill that I could take and it would cure everything. Our culture is the quick fix culture. Take a pill and you will be thinner, happier, and prettier. Instant cures are always promised. What happened to the idea of work? What happened to the idea of craftsmanship? Working at, and creating the life you want. That is where we need to focus.  
A series of actions or steps taken in order to achieve a particular end.
This is the definition of a process. 
Everyone’s process will be different, and that’s OK. What I do to help myself will not work for everyone or maybe anyone else. But the point is to have a process. Daily rituals that move you in the right direction. Tasks that bring you joy and happiness. They can be so simple. I make my bed every morning, because when I arrive at home and walk into my bedroom it makes me happy to have a clean uncluttered room with a bed that is made. Cooking for someone you love. Recently my mother had a birthday, my thought was to take her to dinner. I invited my two youngest children to come. Then I thought… I should cook for them. Simple, but something that showed them how much I cared. It was perfect to have then all seated around the dinner table enjoying each other talking about things we have been doing. Catching up with each other.  Running, my artwork, a quiet moment to meditate on the things I am grateful for. All of these are the simple processes that I do to help me be happy. 
Fall in love with the process and the results will come. 
My new favorite saying. 
Falling in love with the small daily things are what I focus on. I think most people myself included have bought into the belief that everyday has to be like a vacation. That if it is not the best, and not entertaining us than it is a bad life. Shifting our focus to loving the simple things in our lives… a cup of coffee sitting on my porch on a beautiful morning. Tea, book and cozy blanket on a rainy cold day, conversations with loved ones, etc. I am not perfect, there are days that I get overwhelmed and my focus shifts to all the negative, the perceived losses, the crazythings we say in our heads. But my goal is that I can have less and less days that feel negative, and more and more days that are filled with optimism, focus, processes and results.